Misc. Simple Truths
- I can only please one person per day. Today is not your
day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
- I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound
they make as they go flying by.
- Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get
along without it.
- Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
- Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they
aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
- I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
- My reality cheque bounced.
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
- I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
- You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
- Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
- Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their
level, then beat you with experience.
- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
- Don't be irreplaceable -- if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- After any salary raise, you will have less money at the
end of the month than you did before.
- The more junk you put up with, the more junk you are going to get.
- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and
nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
- When bosses talk about improving productivity, they
are never talking about themselves.
- Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
Here are some more:
- Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall
never cease to be amused.
- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to
recognize a mistake when you make it again.
- If you look like your passport picture, you probably
need the trip.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- I started with nothing. I still have most of it.
- Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
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