Things I've Learned About Texas

  1. Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
  2. Roadrunners don't say "Beep Beep"
  3. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.
  4. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a couple no one's seen before.
  5. Possums will eat anything.
  6. Armadillos love to dig holes under tomato plants.
  7. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
  8. Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
  9. You cannot find a country road without a curve from corner to corner.
  10. Texas has 5 seasons:
    Spring, Feb 16 to April 15
    Summer, April 16 to July 15 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
    Super Summer, July 16 to Sept 10 (temp 100 to 115 degrees)
    Summer, Sept. 11 to Oct 1 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
    Fall, Oct 2 to Dec. 1
    Winter Dec. 2 to Feb 15
  11. “Onced" and "Twiced" are words.
  12. Fireants consider your flesh as a picnic.
  13. "Coldbeer" is one word.
  14. People actually grow and eat okra.
  15. When the world ends, only cockroaches and mesquite trees will survive.
  16. When you live in the country, you don't have to buy a dog. People drop them off at your gate in the middle of the night.
  17. The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first couple of weeks.
  18. When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to go to the doctor.
  19. "Fixinto" is one word, as is "goan" - go on, or "comon" - come on
  20. The word dinner is confusing. There's only lunch and then there's supper.
  21. "Backards and forards" means I know everything about you.
  22. "Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
  23. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.
  24. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Texas!

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